First things first/disclaimer: I believe that gender is partially socially constructed. I have absolutely no doubt about it, even though I am more than ready to say that women and men are biologically different ( I am just making a point in saying this since I once had a long discussion with a feminist who believed than slowly,all women were developping the same physical abilities than men).

That being said, I listened to a podcast today that truly rocked my world. I was riding my bike listening to This American Life, whose weekly show is currently about testosterone. I must admit being a bit dubious when the topic was announced (as were the women in the radio production team), but the content is riveting: the presenter interviewed men, women, and women-turned-into-men about their reaction to a lack or surplus of the big T, and the results were fascinating.

The first interview was with an anonymous guy who wrote a piece for GQ - I know, ugh- about a undiagnosed medical issue tat let him without testosterone for four months. He describes, above all the other behavioural changes that he had to face, an absolute lack of desire. The guy was catatonic, staring at a brick wall all day, eating bland food, not thinking much about the world - at least not very passionately. He would just process any information in a very linear manner: “if I saw a pigeon, I would just think “it’s a pigeon”, he explained to the presented who had a bit of trouble processing the idea himself, “nothing more, nothing less”.

But what really did my head in was the interview of a FTM transgender dude, who described himself as “an ex feminist butch” who went to an all-girl school. He would inject himself with double the amount of the testosterone which could be found in a very large man to achieve his transition, and after a while began to feel strong changes.

One of the most interesting change was the amount and quality of desire he would feel towards women - he explains that back when he was a woman, when lusting after someone the process would be wordy, brainy and quite complex ( she would, for example, think about things to say to the person in front of her, possibly using imagination and scenarios) whereas as a man, he would just think “daaaamn” and have an instant urge of lust, which made him feel like a monster.

But now to the truly fucked up parts - which made the presenter choke in embarrassment for his female listeners: when asked if he noticed any other notable behavioural non-libidinal differences, the guy said a couple of things which boggled my mind: that he noticed a new interest in maths and science (topics which he didn’t care for as a woman), and he found himself understanding physics in a way he never understood before. Furthermore, he has a very hard time crying.

I very much know that his understanding of physics and maths could have just evolved suddenly in a totally different set of circumstances that are not hormonally related, but seriously - what? Like the interviewer said, wow, you’re setting us back to a hundred years. I can already imagine some assholes thinking to themselves, this guy is proof that all women are retarded when it comes to maths:

I honestly don’t know what to think about it, except for the fact that millions of women scientists would probably want to stab themselves in the eye listening to his interview.

You can listen to the program here. Comic by xkdc of course.